fodder for parenting books...

tonight was definitely one of those experiences no parent should ever have to live through.  and i really mean that.

it was the kind of experience that you read about in a parenting book where the wise and wonderful counselor who sees into the heart of every child in every situation describes what the parent did to deal with the child's disobedience and then proceeds to explain exactly where the parent went wrong, why the parent's own personality issues factored into the problem and how the wise and wonderful counselor would have handled the situation him/herself perfectly.

tate absolutely refused to do what he was supposed to do.  it didn't matter what the punishment was, he absolutely was not going to do what we told him to do.  the battle lasted much, much longer than i gave him credit for.  bill and i were incredulous.  we kept looking at each other, desperately hoping the other person had another idea or an alternate solution.  nothing came to mind and tate dug in his heels and never, never, never gave up (has someone been playing him winston churchill tapes?).

he ended up in bed, in the dark (he is "scawed" of the "dawk"), with no bunny and no paci.  did he give in at any point the rest of the night?  not on your life.

is it in any way possible that tate is even more strong-willed than the girls?  the thought that this might be true truly makes me shudder.  i still get headaches thinking about how argumentative zoe is already.  tessa tries my patience all day long just by ignoring anything and everything i tell her to do.  what do we do with an openly defiant, stubbornly resistant boy being added to the mix?  (and a tiny little voice inside me is wondering why we decided we should do it one more time.  is there any chance in this wide, wide world that we are capable of producing a compliant, easygoing, good-natured child?).

tate has been relatively easy to handle up until this point.  i kept thinking tonight that if we did the hard thing now, it would pay off later because he would learn that he has to do what we tell him to do.  but when the evening ended with him never giving in, i started to worry that this is only the tip of the iceberg.

we may just have a hard row to hoe with him...

suppertime, suppertime, sup-sup-suppertime...

even though i had planned on never again being left alone with the kids once bill finished his comprehensive exams, i keep finding myself trying to deal with all three single-handedly.  tonight, alone for the second night in a row, i realized what a three-ring circus our mealtime has become.

i was sitting in between tessa and tate and our conversation was something like this:

me:"tate, take a bite.  pick up your fork and put food in your mouth.  tate, take a bite right now.  1...2... no! don't spit that out.  here, take another bite....tessa, pick up your fork and take a bite.  no, not of the rice, of the chili.  hurry up.  take five bites before you talk."  (turning back to tate) tate! turn around and take another bite.  no! turn around a take a bite right now!" (turning back to tessa) tessa! sit down, pick up your fork and eat.  how many bites have you had?  two?  okay, you need three more before you can talk.  zoe, you need to stop talking with your mouth full.  finish chewing and then tell me..."

meanwhile, tate:  "p-a-t-p-a-t-p-a-t-p-a-t-p-a-t-p-a-t..."  the girls start to laugh and i can't contain myself so i start to laugh too.

zoe:  "even mom has to join in the fun..."  (not sure what that says about her perception of me)

tessa:  "p-a-t-p-a-t-p-a-t-p..."

me:  "tessa, that's enough.  take another bite."  (tessa and tate together:  "p-a-t-p-a-t...") "i said, stop saying that and eat your supper!  tate, turn around and take a bite or you will go to your room.  stop flinging your food everywhere and take a bite.  zoe, sit down the right down in your chair right now.  tessa, put some food on your fork and take a bite right now..."

yes.  this really happened.  and it was only about 2 minutes worth of our 45 minute supper.

no wonder i am exhausted...

what would you do?

sunday night we were enjoying the balmy weather with our great neighbors and their kids.  bill was playing a pick-up game of soccer as my mom-friend and i shared our pregnancy woes.  the kids were getting along remarkably well and everyone seemed to be having a good time when disaster struck.  tessa tripped trying to kick the soccer ball and badly skinned her knee.  amidst her cries of agony, bill checked her over while reassuring and trying to comfort her.

the game was soon underway again when suddenly, a third-floor window from the building next door opened and a "lady" leaned her head out:

"shut the !@#$ up!  shut the !@#$ up!"  we heard.

the kids' faces were filled with fear and they quickly collected inside the stairwell.  bill and our neighbor tried to get her to calm down, or, at the very least, stop cussing in front of our kids, to no avail.

"welcome to the neighborhood!  shut the !@#$ up!  shut the !@#$ up!"

the neighbor boy felt so threatened he ran up to their apartment and rushed around making sure all the windows were closed so that she couldn't get in to their home to harm them.  bill wrapped his arms around him to reassure him and explain that she was the one who was scared.  she stayed in the safety of her apartment so she wouldn't have to come down and face us with her bad attitude. 

we love his response:  "she must not know God.  i wish the pope would come and tell her about God so she wouldn't act that way..."

we finally got everyone relatively settled down and convinced zoe that no one (particularly her) should repeat what the lady yelled. 

what gets me about the situation is that it was a relatively brief moment of pique for the lady.  we hadn't been that loud outside (tessa's crying over her skinned knee seems to be what set her off), but her short bout of temper has very long-lasting consequences for us and for our family. 

zoe and tessa both wanted to know what that word meant.  we explained it is a horribly ugly, dirty word that has a meaning but that, by using it, the lady just wanted us to know how angry she was with us (i did manage never to have to explain what the actual meaning of the word was).  we talked about how lots of things have a nice or polite word and an ugly word to describe them and this lady had picked the ugliest word she could think of to tell us how mad she was with us for being outside.  we decided that the best thing we could do would be to focus on "whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable...."

we also talked about the fact that she is not the boss of us and we can still play outside without worrying about being noisy or having fun.  unfortunately, for our kids and for our neighbor kids, the fear that she had created verbally translated to a fear of what she could do physically to them.  we went back outside to play (to show her that a bully can never win!) and zoe worried that she would throw something down on us, like glass.  i told her we would definitely call the police if that happened, but she would never do that.

i told zoe that we didn't need to talk about her, worry about her, or even think about her anymore (thankfully the lady's tirade seemed to be over with anyway).  zoe acknowledged i was right, but said it was hard for her to get out of her mind.  i told her if she was going to continue to think about her, she could pray for her because she must be in a pretty bad mood (side note:  this is the aspect that tate seems most to have picked up on.  he kept saying "wady...in...bad...mood!").

zoe wanted to pray for her together right then and there.  we did and as we finished, zoe turned to me with a big grin and said, "thank goodness we went to church today!"  (i have no idea what that means.)

so how would you handle an experience like this?  i have to say, this is our first time dealing with something like this after two years of being here.

the good news is that bill spoke to her landlord the next day and he determined to speak to her about it.  he admitted that she is a little "off" but that is no excuse for that kind of behavior, especially in the presence of children.  we all feel a sense of relief that she will be held accountable for her actions.

this photo is by outcast104.  this isn't the same lady who yelled at us, but it looked something like this.  the lady who yelled at us was actually a lot younger and meaner looking...

here's what we did last weekend...

good-bye crib...

hello big boy bed...

...and upper bunk for tessa...

 

...and room all to herself for zoe.

we're all making adjustments to the new changes but the one adjusting best of all is actually tate!  i think he would stay in bed all day after his nap if i didn't eventually go get him.  he stays in bed perfectly at night too.  i think he has adjusted to life outside the crib the best of all our kids.  hopefully he shows the same maturity when it comes to potty training (in which there is absolutely no interest as of yet...)

school shopping

we had barely finished heaving a deep sigh of relief that we managed to get both girls situated into schools that have been good fits for them when we discovered it was time to start all over again, applying for schools for tessa next year.  not only that, but it turns out we need to get tate enrolled in a school as well because the school system will have to take over his therapy once he turns three.

it is time already to start the nail-biting application process, trying to figure out how far we are willing to drive, how possible it is to get zoe and tessa in at the same school, which schools have good reputations and which ones have bad.  for tessa to get into the same school as zoe, she will need to be tested and/or accepted as a student outside the residential boundary.  since tate will most likely be enrolled as a non-attending student (have you ever heard of that?), i guess i don't have to feel quite so panicky about it but getting him in a good school this year may facilitate where he goes the next year.

i am starting to understand more and more why people pick their place of residence purely based on the school system.  now that we have zoe enrolled in a school that has turned out to be such a good fit for her, i never want to move away.  bill will just have to get a job as a garbage man so we can stay here!

i have been wondering how tessa's school was working for her when she told us this today:

tessa:  do you know what a 'promenade' is?  (note:  she pronounced this promen-odd, not promen-aid.)

us:  no.  (i know vaguely what this is, but not specifically.  do you?)

tessa:  yes.  it is a walkway, that usually goes along the water.  (look it up, i dare you!)

us:  (jaws dropped)  how did you learn that?

tessa: (quite matter-of-factly) i learned it at my school.

i guess that takes care of any doubts i have.  if anyone wants to criticize the chicago public school system, they will have to look for a different audience.  as of this moment, we are quite pleased with the education our girls are receiving.

ever wonder...

...how this little boy keeps himself occupied when the girls are gone at school?

(besides trying to convince me that we should be happy having another girl instead of a tantrum-throwing boy like him)

he built this when mom's back was turned...

and then adamantly insisted on taking a picture of it himself.

he spent the next half an hour watching the mowers outside.

this window is a favorite place for him, particularly if there is

any kind of yardwork going on whatsoever.

if no one is working outside, i will probably find him here...

right next to me, talking my ear off!

i finally posted my best giveaway ever here.  check it out, leave a question as a comment.  you might win the prize that could change your life...

they say...

"...sugar and spice and all things nice,
that's what little girls are made of"

thankfully, our little girl is made of more than sugar and spice.
she appears very healthy according the ultrasound.  our doctor even said she looks "beautiful."  (i'm figuring he says that to everyone because all we could see were black and white blobs.) 
we are very grateful.

and if you have any name suggestions that fit in with zoe, tessa and tate, we are open to hearing them!

photo by clevercupcakes.