nothing can separate true love...

bill and i just survived a week of barely speaking to each other.  you can blame it on one miscommunication leading to another and then another and so on, or, and this is probably much simpler, you can blame it on pms.

ironically, the weekend before "disaster week," i had just been thinking about how close we were as a couple, how well we understood each other and how much fun it was to be together.  i wondered if it would ever be possible for anything to come between us again.

sadly, i underestimated the power of pms.

now that the hormone levels are stabilizing around here, we are tentatively making our way back to being in love again.  i'm sure it won't be long (give it, say, another three weeks or so) before i'll be back to wondering if anything can ever come between us again.

in the art of hearing heartbeats, by jan-philipp sendker tin win and mi mi discover the kind of love in each other that every couple dreams of finding.  not even disabilities, deceit, distance or time can separate their hearts' union. 

while bill and i continue to try to figure out how to keep pms from separating us, i'm glad to know that i have found and married my true love.

i'm sure that by the time we figure out how to conquer the challenges of pms, we'll find ourselves facing a new challenge, a hormonal monster by a different name.

in any event, i'm sure that our love (and maybe a little hrt) will be enough to conquer whatever hurdles or obstacles we may face in the future...because, after all, nothing can separate true love.


i received a free copy of this book as part of my involvement in the from left to write book club.  i highly recommend this book to anyone who likes a good love story...

first date disaster...

did you know that bill and i broke up before we started dating?

it's really a funny story...now!

after bill spent a few months drooling over me (this is my version of the story and i'm going to tell it the way i remember it), he finally worked up enough courage to introduce himself.  i thought this was so hilarious that i didn't stop laughing through our entire first conversation.

we had a few group gatherings throughout which i came to appreciate the kind of guy bill was, and even started to think about the possibility of marr...er..dating him.

thanks to his lands end outlet boss (a twenty-something girl we had both become friends with), we finally had a double date set up for the first weekend in december.  i was...excited, to put it mildly.

the monday before our big date, bill called to see if i wanted to study together at a coffee shop.  since i couldn't make it, i invited him to come study at my house on friday (i lived with a family who just happened to be out of town for the weekend).  he agreed...i thought.

the day before our study date (which was scheduled for the day before our double date (are you keeping all this straight?)), bill called to say he wouldn't be able to come study after all.  but that wasn't even the worst part...

he also had been doing some thinking, and he could tell things were "heating" up between us.  he thought we should think about backing off a little bit.  in fact, we should...

just. be. friends.

!

?

!!

??

?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

what about our double date?  oh, well he was still looking forward to that.  that was going to be a lot of fun...

i spent thursday night crying...in spite of the fact that i went to see the nutcracker with a bunch of people i barely knew (thanks for patiently comforting me, brian).

i spent all day friday home alone, crying.  and crying.  and crying. and crying.

saturday i called my mom to cry on her shoulder.  well, cry on the phone with her anyway.  she told me to go ahead and go on the date, but just be "casually friendly."  for some reason she recommended this instead of "hatefully obnoxious."

bill showed up for the date, and we ended up having a great time.  the end result was that we ended up dating.

three days later bill told me he loved me.

three weeks later, we knew we would be getting married.

three months later, we were engaged.

thirteen years later (more or less), we have four kids.

in the book, graffiti moon, lucy's first date with ed ended up with her breaking his nose.

i guess our first "date" could have been worse!

i received a free copy of graffiti moon as part of my involvement in the book club, teen lit rocks!  i give this book a b+, but i definitely recommend it for older "young adults."

a better example...

i realized as soon as i sat down to write about tate's storytelling abilities that i couldn't think of a single good example.  this is generally what happens to me:  i come up with a really good post idea or the kids do something really hilarious, and i mentally write a really fabulous and humorous post about it.  then i sit down at the computer at the end of the day to write everything down physically and...my mind is completely blank.

today, i have worked really hard to tell this same story of tate's over and over in my mind so that i wouldn't forget, and you could get a perfectly amazing example of what i hear every day from tate.  you can feel free to thank me later...

we were at supper tonight.  as we got ready for our family devotions, we were looking at a picture of soldiers coming to arrest Jesus (i know, it was a really uplifting and positive story tonight).  tate looked really closely at the picture of the soldiers while bill explained to the girls about judas' kiss of betrayal.

"mom, these swords that the guys have?  they are the swords that come out of your arms, like this..." (he demonstrated but i still didn't get what he was talking about, so if you don't get it, don't worry). 

"these swords come out of their arms, and then, when they are on their horses, they ride toward each other and put their swords down then the swords poke in their eyes and cut their...necks."

"really?  how did you know about that?"  (this is me trying not to panic.  how on earth does he know about this?  bill and i just watched a show that had jousting in it, but i can't imagine how tate would have been able to see it...)

"it was on a show that i watched when i was a baby.  it had big bird and elmo in it.  big bird and elmo had swords and they rode on horses.  i saw it when i was a baby.  elmo and big bird fought in a big battle."

there you have it.  a perfect example of the kind of story that tate has been telling lately...

(just a side note:  lilianna listened carefully to tate's story and then started trying to find elmo in our story bible.  you can see what kind of warped theology our kids are going to have...)

storytelling

tate has developed a gift lately of creating the most fabulous and fantastic stories.  anything can be happening, and he will already have done that thing or know all about it from personal experience already.

one day i found a dirty, deflated football in the house.  i think it is one that the neighbor's dogs use for fun and slobbering.  i had expressly told tate it needed to stay outside, but he brought it in anyway.  i opened up the window and the screen and set it on our ledge so that it wouldn't make its way back into the house.

a few days later, tessa noticed it sitting up there and pointed it out to tate.  "yeah. i threw it up there," he said in his lower-register-i'm-such-a-stud-i-can't-stand-it voice.  "i think."  at least he had the common decency to qualify his confident statement of fact.

the other day we were talking about disney on ice, and he informed us that he had already gone to see the show, when he was a baby, with his brother.  although almost all the things that he claims to have experienced happened when he "was a baby," this is the first time that his "fantasies" have involved non-existent family members.

tessa and i weren't exactly sure how to handle that story.  it was so obviously not true, on so many levels.  we ended up just winking at each other and saying, "oh really!"

i guess i'm glad that he has an imagination.  zoe's imagination has shifted to a world of fiction and, unfortunately, imagining all the scary possibilities for things that can go wrong in the night.  tessa still can jump into a conversation with random, imaginary persons, although we are seeing that less and less often.  i haven't always witnessed tate's imagination at work.  he's not as comfortable playing on his own.  i guess i was thinking he didn't have the same breadth and depth of imagination as the girls.

now i know "the truth"...

on resolving to do...nothing

this is a sponsored post from trop50.  feel free to add your resolutions on the trop50 facebook page to receive a $1 off coupon for trop50.

i thought this might be a good time to check in on how my fabulous and inspirational new year's resolution is going. 

in some ways, it isn't working out quite like i had hoped.  i'm preaching for my second time this month this week.  this takes diligence, time and requires me to do...something.

plus, it seems like the kids need clean clothes or something.  i don't really get it.  but i have found that trying to pretend there aren't piles of laundry (both clean and dirty--it seems i'm good at putting the clothes in the washer but not so good at getting them folded and put away) all over the little hallway that works as our laundry room doesn't seem to make those piles go away.  things are getting so desperate that the kids are wearing clothes i've never seen them wear before.

i've also tried (if at all possible) to post here at least 5 times a week.  this has required a little bit of extra effort on my part, mostly in the evenings, but it has been good accountability to write something, even if i am in a bad mood.

on the other hand, i've been making more time and space to get together with friends.  we've had friends over every weekend of this new year.  i've spent more mornings spontaneously getting together with a friend.  i've (tried to) do "nothing" with lilianna by giving her some undivided attention.  i take a fairly long nap every afternoon (unless tate wakes me up).  i let myself do "nothing" even if some of the other things don't get done.

i hate to feel like i could be accused of being lazy.  i grew up with the dutch, protestant work ethic that says you should always be working hard.  you should always have something to show for the time spent. 

but the winter days are hard...

and my job is hard...

and doing "nothing" for at least part of the day is giving me the ability to have a better attitude and do a better job for the parts of my day that are more demanding, that require me to do work hard mentally, physically and emotionally.

for better or worse, i'm sticking to my resolution to do more nothing. 

who's with me?

photo by steve snodgrass

jack-jack ain't got nothin' on lilianna...

remember the end of the incredibles (spoiler alert)?


lately, i have been calling to mind the point in the movie when jack-jack turns bright red and looks like a little devil child.

not for any particular reason...

...except for the fact that lilianna is starting to make this version of jack-jack look like an angel!

i am trying not to feel like i'm at my wit's end.  after all, i've handled toddlers before.  this is my fourth time doing this.  i'm what many consider a pro.  i know all the tricks, and i am confident in my ability to thwart any kid-size plots to overtake the household.

...except when it comes to lilianna.


granted, she has been battling some kind of bug this week.  she had a pretty bad fever sunday through wednesday.  she still has been sleeping a lot more than usual (and i am indeed thankful for small miracles).

she is definitely one of those kids who knows what they want, when they want it, and they aren't going to take "no" for an answer.

...no matter how vehemently you try to say 'no.'

listen.  bill and i have strong-willed kids.  extremely strong-willed.  we get it.  we know how this works, and we know how to stand our ground (after all, the apples don't fall too far from the tree).


...but lilianna is definitely our toughest nut to crack yet.

pray for me.

my kids have turned me into an introvert...

 

i'm still thinking a lot about this...

i can remember going to conferences when i was in high school and being the one who reached out to the new people and made them feel comfortable.

in college, i never studied in the library unless i went with multiple people.  i rarely worked alone, if i could help it.  i studied better when there was noise and activity around.

even in seminary, i lived with a family.  i would do my reading up in my room alone, but when it came time for greek homework, i would join everyone else in the living room so i wouldn't have to be alone so long.

once bill and i got married, we didn't hesitate to invite people over, even if our apartment was microscopic, and the only place to sit was on a giant inflatable sofa.

then i had zoe.  i can still remember getting into a routine with her that did not involve leaving the house except when absolutely necessary.  i had to make myself get together with friends, and that was usually a beneficial thing to do, but i spent a lot of time by myself too.  a lot.

now, with four kids who all have conversational needs, who are each developing their gifts of debate and argumentation, i'm tired.  some days, i feel like i have no more words left in me, even though i may not have had a single adult conversation the entire day.

if we are going to have people over, i just want to have one couple over.  i want my kids to go to bed early, and i want to have good conversation.  the thought of being a part of a large group or going to a big party makes me feel exhausted before i even get there.  i'd rather stay home with bill and watch a good movie...or even a not-so-good one for that matter.

i know i used to be the life of the party (more or less).  now i wonder what has happened to that girl.  is it just maturity?  like someone suggested in the comments?  is it because my kids are draining away my vivacity?  is it because i still feel relatively new in this city and i haven't quite found my "group" to "party" with?

i really don't want to sound like i'm whining.  i don't really mind who i am now.  i do feel more comfortable with myself, like i have less to prove.  i like having quiet time to myself, and i'm glad i don't have a desperation to be with other people.  i like the quiet get-togethers we have with friends and the great conversation that develops once the kids are in bed.

also, i love my kids.  i really believe they are going to make great lawyers some day (except for tessa who will probably be some kind of human rights activist--at the rate she's going, people from around the world will be seeking her expertise at fighting against injustice).  in my more rational moments, i'm glad for the strength of...character (yes, let's call it that) that my kids all demonstrate.  but i can't deny that they use up a lot of my words and a lot of my energy.

i'm curious to see what happens personality-wise once they grow up more and begin to leave the house.  will my extrovertish nature reassert itself?  or am i permanently changed into someone who loves and craves peace and quiet?

for now, give me that peace and quiet (please!)...

photo by mojobaer